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[Wally]
Wally- Peeve of Bad Food Service

It never fails. Go to some event... a concert, a show, a trade fair, anything where they've got you captive. You'll always find that:

  1. The food sucks.
  2. A hot dog costs $47.00.
The less choice you have about eating there, the worse the food will be. Wally understands this phenomenon as a manifestation of one of the Universe's most powerful natural laws, known to scientists as the We've Got You Where We Want You and We Don't Have To Give A Shit Principle (WGYWWWYAWDHTGASP)*. No exception has ever been found.

Inevitability does not, however, serve to ease the pain as you sit there, munching your $47.00 hot dog, breaking pieces off your stale cookie (check the label to see if it's Peanut Butter, Oatmeal, or Luscious Chocolate Chip), and sipping your Soda Water That Has Been Passed Near Some Generic Soft-Drink Flavoring.

One day, I dream of having all the people who run this sort of food service locked in a giant stadium. I used to figure I'd make 'em eat styrofoam, but then I realized all I really had to do was to let them feed each other. They'll never know the difference...

* Discovered during the filing of a Federal grant application. Economists claim they knew it all along, but nobody ever listens to them, anyway.

jbash@velvet.com